Possible subjects in a really bad text

There are so many absurd topics I would love to write about but that would become nothing other then an exercise... I would love to expose the excessive pressure made on students to validate their practice through the use of references and its consequent contextualization. I dreamt of writing a strong text about the reflux that is so crucial in contemporary art not just through the ideas of eternal return but also the retro culture that is becoming stronger and stronger. It would be am inquiry on appropriation itself and as necessary for homage. In previous years I researched language and its interaction with the artistic practice but this is already producing its effects in the work that I’m currently making and would take me directly to the importance of criticism and tutoring, in which I should admit I’m losing my faith on. I would also love to pick two great references such as Nietzsche and Deleuze develop an investigation more or less superficial on two specific works such as The Will to Power and the book Deleuze wrote on Nietzsche but I have to admit it is too much of a task for this context (maybe not). Even other banal concepts could be quite interesting to explore in a text which only restrictions are the size and the fact that it should be academically relevant. These could include an exploration of the idea of temperature, physically and scientifically at first and intellectually as a side product of friction or any unconservative force in any activity. Just to finish mentioning all these possibilities that came to me I would like to write the obvious topics that usually come to our minds when one is struggling trying to pick one of many things to write about: "Unspecificity" and the activity of writing.
By writing and reading what I achieve is a feeling of ruin. I can feel death crawling in my back and steeling my health, my smile, my hair and the fortune of those that have youth and energy. Reading and writing that so far have been all I’ve learned to do in institutions is proving to be a frustrating and unproductive activity. If I’m supposed to die let it happen at once so I won’t have to bother suffering thinking about it. And then the contradiction of the stream of consciousness. And the certainty we wouldn’t be doing anything creative if we were not going to die – just because we believe it is another way to stay alive. These forces summed up are nothing but passion, belief and pain mixed in a blander and served as if they were posh. The factual side of words bores me. I wish I didn’t give the impression to people that I love writing just because I love philosophy, art and science. I only write as a consequence of my suffering. This can have origins in the academic pressure to hand in something with a certain number of words or it can be an emotional condition that invaded me (like it did before I accepted the fact that I wanted to give my life to Art and nothing else).
Is it possible to start constructing a draft of a text that will combine all the strong words I put in bold in the beginning of this text? Would it be any interesting just to take a model such as the ANT model and explore those concepts in the light of that systematization? I don’t think a mix of such profound and complex things and authors would ever be interesting not even if I used those recent interesting network definitions.
I have to go to sleep. I do not want to feel guilty for ever. I should find love, calmness, physical exercise, sleep, read for pleasure, paint what I feel like painting and finally forget all the pretentious stuff that I’ve been in contact with.